I can hear my brother have sex with his girlfriend next door and there is just a lot of bed creaking and I just heard her say ‘Are you even trying?’ and I laughed so hard my brother came into the room to tell me to fuck off
(via amypondinthetardis)
“Every new country she goes to, she gets colored in. Epic”.
(via kappatina)
Great things to say during intercourse:
- Yes, this is agreeable
- Excellent. I’ll note this down in my memoirs
- What a surprising twist!
- Aren’t human beings remarkable?
- Splendid.
(via rumoredremorse)
I love this routine, because it’s not a rape joke. It’s a rape culture joke. It’s not making fun of the people who have been raped, but of both rape culture (not being able to just jog because it’s not safe) but of the idea that the only thing of value in a woman is her vagina.
—BB
yes to all of this
(via i-was-so-alone-i-owe-you-so-much)
i would like a movie of tony stark and bruce banner just fucking around, like inventing shit and getting froyo and breaking into nasa headquarters and sitting on the couch eating extra cheesy pizza watching back to the future together
And I just want a sitcom of Thor, Loki and Cap trying to figure modern technology out
And a romantic comedy about what happened in Budapest.
(via laurajohanna)
thisismythanksgivingurl-gobble:
Next time a blocked number calls you answer like this: “Jim’s whore house. You got the dough, we got the hoe.”
Why does this not have any notes?
lol no “Nashville sperm bank, you squeeze it we freeze it. how may I help you?”
“Henderson’s Morgue, you stab em, we slab em, this is Eight Ball speaking.”
“Texas crematorium you kill ‘em we grill ‘em how can I direct your call?”
(via whenbutterflieskiss)
